That is a really honest post, and a lot of players will recognize themselves in what you wrote, including the part about spewing after a big win or during a losing streak. Self‑sabotage in poker is often linked to tilt, overconfidence when we are up, or even a weird fear of success where the brain wants to “go back to normal,” so it pushes us into careless decisions and big gambles. Just the fact that you noticed this pattern and put it in words is already a big first step, because you cannot fix something you are not aware of.
One thing that helps a lot is setting very clear rules for yourself before the session starts, so emotions don’t get to decide. For example, you can define a stop‑loss, a stop‑win and a “tilt signal”: if you lose X buy‑ins, or your profit drops from the peak by a certain amount, or you feel your heart rate and decision speed going up, you must close the tables and take a break, even if the games look very good. Away from the tables, reviewing hands and working on the mental game (books, videos, or even journaling about what you felt before you started to spew) can slowly build more self‑control and self‑trust, so winning more does not automatically trigger the urge to give it back.
