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Message: [QUOTE="STL FAN, post: 2667951, member: 120788"] Four cross roads all leading back to this point. Four separate ways, that has no way of knowing the other, all leading to one crossroad. Maddening to think about really. How do I even know they all lead back to one crossroad? What is the point of uncertainty, which leads me not to choose my own road separate from the others? What hooks my mind to the point of the same autobahn of decisions; what am I missing? Pain, uncertainty, fear, doubt, the very tools that have made me successful have now consumed my mind. How did this come to pass? Is it an illusion that is playing a trick on my poker decisions? I am still confident, successful, but my thoughts of what is success have certainly been divided in my mind. Have I lost passion? How did I succumb? How do I find my way back? How do I find my way forward? Is there a perfect “yellow brick road”? In my mind I was never lost, but my message to myself is just like misinformation at the table; is what I am seeing correct to make the proper play? I tell myself not to react, but if I do not react then I miss making the proper play? Leaving things behind that have been a constant way of thinking now has to be changed. It is like a long stretch of road, that I must give up, to take an unsure path that has no promises of certain direction to the right destination. How can this be, I work on getting empirical information to make the proper decisions. I look for the right play not necessarily the best play. This leads me back to a question, how do I make the proper decision if I am waiting for the best play? I miss to react to the situation against an opponent but reacting does not know? This can encompass more than one decision of one session. The illusion in my mind can create more than I can empirically know about my situation at any one time. How do I keep from falling behind my own expectations? How did my poker existence change from “being for itself” to “being of itself”? Faith, winning, losing, choosing, it still comes back to faith. Faith to what is being taught, seen, to know something is proper that I cannot even see. Faith is accepting what is being taught is for the greater good of knowing, reacting, improving, finding my own path to create new roads, to finally understand that the crossroads were only created in my mind. I can remove them just as I put them there, but faith reveals the seeing of the crossroads as merely an illusion of uncertainty, fear, pain, and doubt created by me not wanting to accept what is true from which I could not see. [/QUOTE]

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