Have Any Good Poker Jokes?

[Havik]

You aren't gambling if your winning.

 

[COMIRRR]

What is the difference between a large portion of cheese pizza and a poker player?

:ciao:- Pizza can feed a family.

 

[EVA777]

You aren't gambling if your winning.

:hahahao you earn ???

 

[EVA777]

What is the difference between a large portion of cheese pizza and a poker player?

:ciao:- Pizza can feed a family.

:hahaha:A poker player also feeds the family - with promises!:argh:

 

[James24543]

 

[EVA777]

:dancing2::dancing2::dancing2:Oooh! Best joke! Pictures do not open - empty ...

 

[EVA777]

An alcoholic and a drug addict play poker. The addict wins all the time. The alcoholic says:
“Why do I only have couples all the time, and you get a Straight or Full House?”
- You only have double vision, and I have double and triple!

 

[EVA777]

He taught his son to play poker - now he teaches son to live without poker!

 

[COMIRRR]

.Trei cowboy is playing poker. - I have three aces, says one. "I have four aces," says the other. The third silence. - But what do you have? ask the others. - I have two guns.

 

[EVA777]

.Trei cowboy is playing poker. - I have three aces, says one. "I have four aces," says the other. The third silence. - But what do you have? ask the others. - I have two guns.

 

[DemonboyJr]

knock knock

 

[EVA777]

“Poker has a lot in common with sex. Everyone thinks he is the best, but most do not even understand what they are doing” - Dutch Boyd

 

[EVA777]

"Colt 1911 beats any combination."

 

[successlaw]

I haven't seen this many donkeys since my trip to Tijuana !

 

[COMIRRR]

My dear husband wants to sleep with the landlord because he has lost money on poker rent, "says a neighbor's wife.
"You did not, did you?"


"I have to admit I did - although I had certain doubts. But what I did not do is tell the husband that the rent is paid for six months! "​

 

[EVA777]

“If a wife finds out that I lost a hundred pounds, she will kill me! Please give me the money back!"
Partners grumbled, practiced morality, but regretted and returned the money to him.
"Could you give me another fifty pounds? So she thinks that I won ..."

 

[EVA777]

Some poker players are so funny that they first look at the cards of their opponents, and only then - their own.

 

[LilJonWsc]

There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says, "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." He ignores the voice. Later in the day, he hears the voice again. "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." Again, he ignores the voice. Soon he hears the voice every minute of the day. "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." He can't take it anymore. He believes the voice. He quits his job, sells his house, takes all his money, and flies to Las Vegas. As soon as he steps off the plane, the voice says, "Go to the Horseshoe." He goes to The Horseshoe. The voice says, "Put all your money into a World Series of Poker (WSOP) entry." He puts up his $10,000 and buys an entry into the WSOP. He goes to his assigned tournament table. The first hand is dealt and the guy is dealt AsAd. The voice says, "Go all in." He pushes his entire $10,000 bankroll into the pot. Three players call. The dealer lays down the flop which is Jh10h9h. The voice says, "Shit."

A rabbi, a minister, and a priest are playing poker when the police raid the game. Addressing the priest, the lead officer asks: "Father Murphy, were you gambling?" Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispers, "Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do." To the police officer, he then says, "No, officer, I was not gambling." The officer then asks the minister: "Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?" Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replies, "No, officer, I was not gambling." Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asks: "Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?" Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replies: "With whom?"

A man came home from a poker game late one night and found his hideous harpy of a wife waiting for him with a rolling pin. "Where the hell have you been?" she asked.
"You'll have to pack all your things, dear," he ad-libbed. "I've just lost you in a card game." "How did you manage to do that?" "It wasn't easy, honest. I had to fold with a royal flush." ​