The Funny Things Bad Players Say

dgiharris said:

Was playing the other day and this ridiculous hand happened.

Game is 2/5nl, eff stacks are $800, I cover.

I have QQ and raise $25 from UTG, two callers, super ABC rec-fish tanks and gives me the poker stare and then raises to $175, folds to me, I fold, other players fold and then rec-fish shows the table AA and says, "Yeah, I hate getting my aces cracked..."

Fast forward two orbits, now he is UTG and I am in Late position. He raises $45 (his range is 100% JJ-AA only), and I pick up AA and flat knowing that as long as he has an overpair he will overbet post flop if he retains initiative, we are heads up. Eff stacks $900 ish I cover...

flop($90)
He bets $125, I call. V mutters about me being on a flush draw.

Turn($340)
V bets $400, I raise to $750 putting him all in, he insta calls

River($1600+)
V shows QQ
I win with AA

As I'm racking up his chips, he's calling me a donk and lecturing me on how stupid I am for "slowplaying" and that I should have raised him out of the pot preflop so that I don't get sucked out on...

He didn't see the irony that we basically had the exact same situation but I'm stacking his chips instead of vice versa.

God bless live poker

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Lmao 100% JJ-AA. Why is he even playing?

Mr Sandbag said:

Lmao 100% JJ-AA. Why is he even playing?

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The other 8 droolers around him paying him off relentlessly, probably.

Playing hyper-nit is actually profitable in live low stakes games.

My friend play micromilions... he play event and sunday storm micro... he go cash game with 6$ just put all in with 33 and lose and said:''i just tryed my luck today...''

looool what on earth is he talking about

Yesterday in one tournament. It was in later phase of tournament. One guy shoved from late position for like 50BB, ofcourse nobody called him. He showed us his AA. I asked him why he "throwed" his monster hand away like this. He asked me back "you never lost with AA?"

WeenieSVK said:

Yesterday in one tournament. It was in later phase of tournament. One guy shoved from late position for like 50BB, ofcourse nobody called him. He showed us his AA. I asked him why he "throwed" his monster hand away like this. He asked me back "you never lost with AA?"

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People are so afraid of losing with AA that they minimize the money they can make with it. It's hilarious.

i heard many people saying they are pros, but when i hear they played in facebook zynga, im starting to laugh everytime

this one was recent, im playing live at the nino I usually attend. so im playing against a regular fish who loves the booze to. hes drunk at this point and I made him reload another $500 I just took down a 3 way pot took 500 from him and whatever from a older lady that had nothing left, so anyways we get to another hand later on I have KJ S flop KJ 3 rainbow. I check just because I know he is very loose and aggressive and I limped anyways, he bets out some stupid $25 bucks I just call turn is a 3, him having a 3 is very likely now I bet out this time just to see where I am, im feeling great at this point, this guy raises my $50 to $250 now im in a tight spot I don't know if hes on tilt or not or what. I make the call and the river is 2, I check to him he shuvs obviously. Then this guy just starts shyt talking real hard lol I couldn't believe it he is saying im good probably all this nonsense ive been playing real well up to this point. and I really wanted to take a G from this guy. I make the call and he shows 23 to my KJ. I couldn't ****ing believe it, then buddy goes off on me. He is one of the biggest fish ive played against he is a dream to play against. ive won a lot off this guy and he only reloads $500 and plays anything and everything. guys calls me a donk/fish all this stuff why are you floting buddy hahahaha I couldn't believe it.

The Funny Things Bad Players Say:


Story checks out.

gold thread XD

i don't remember much, just people swearing at the online tables.

I don't know if this qualifies.... maybe player was right?

I raised preflop with A-Qo out of the BB. There were too many people in the pot, and I wanted to reduce the # of villains, because I am OOP. 2 callers, and from my previous observations, one of the callers is a bad player.

Flop comes J high rainbow. I make a totally standard C-bet for like 2/3 pot, I am first to act.

1 fold, and then villain ships it.

Now I did not realize villain only had $16 more than my C-bet (until he bet). He was sitting 2 spots to my right, and it was difficult to see his chips. So villain pushes all in for $16 more than my bet.

Edit: I had around $500~$550 starting the hand.

Preflop raise $17. 3 players = $51 plus some limpers for $2 who folded. We'll just say $55

I lead for $36. Player jams for $52. Roughly $143 dead money in pot.

So I call $16 with 2-overs to go after $143.


odds are too good for me to fold here (at least I think so, but what do I know?).


Queen hits the river, I roll my cards and get the pot. Villain has A-J. I had villain on a jack during the hand, but only could guess at his kicker. I expected a Q-J or K-J perhaps.


Villain then starts berating my play. He said things like:

"Nice hand, but I don't know how you can make that call. You had nothing. No pair, just ace high."

"That was a really bad call."

Some table mates even jump in here and defend my call. They tell villain about the pot size vs. bet size, etc. Villain argues again, saying I just had ace high, I should have made him for a jack and surrendered, blah blah blah.


Villain rebought, and got felted a short time after. He left.

^^ You were right to call when his raise is literally 1/10 of the pot. Folding would have been atrocious. Typical 1/2 or 2/5 live game where players flat Ax for 25% of their stack and start trying to coach the people who are taking their money.

Played a tournament today and saw this hand.

V1 raises 4bb from CO, V2 calls from the BB, heads up. Eff stacks 40bb

Flop(8bb)
BB chks, CO bets 6bb, BB c/r to 36bb, CO tank calls

turn/river(80bb)

BB shows
CO shows

BB says, Man I was hoping you'd fold, I put you on Ace Queen.
I ask, "You were hoping he'd fold?"
BB says, "Yeah, I was scared that if he had AQ he'd go runner runner AQ for a boat. That's why I bet so much to try to get him out." He then goes on a spiel about all the times his big hands have gotten cracked...

Meanwhile CO says, "Yeah, I thought he was on a straight draw because he bet so much..."

god bless live poker....

A lot of people do that live. They are so worried about getting sucked out, they lose value.

I suppose it worked out well for the dude that time. However, why on earth would you want to fold out A-Q?

Funny how guys calls with 9-9... I find it humorous that people always think someone is trying to punk them, when they can't beat s***.

Most of the time the players who seem to be telling everyone how bad they are and constantly typing "donk" and "fish" in the chat box are actually really big mental fish.

"Poker is rigged. I know because I have been stuffing my pockets with money from the idiots that deposit on my site." -Howard Lederer

Today, some guy hit a few good hands in a row. After about 20 minutes of folding, he says "Man, my cards really dried up over here!"

Same table/session...
Lots of preflop action and tons of money in the middle. Very clear that the small blind has AA since he hasn't played a hand all day and is suddenly 3-betting preflop. Flop is all rags, man to my left goes "f**k it!" and shoves his pile of chips in; chips everywhere. Calls all the way around. The board pairs on the river, he flips over a full house (he flopped a set of 4's), one guy mucks, another turns over Ace high flush, and the small blind AA. Someone says "good bet" as the man is STACKIN' chips. About 2 minutes goes by, and he says to himself "Man, that WAS a good bet!" Everyone was rollin'.

"you are so lucky"

spsb83 said:

By the sounds of it I need start playing live, I just can't imagine people sitting down with like £200 in front of them and being that bad.

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Not only do they sit down with 200, they then reach into their pocket and pull out another 200, then another after they bust again in 7 hands, and then their last 100 if they've got it. But you do have to be careful, cuz one time out of ten they might hit that magic runner runner, or river. You just got to try to put your money in good and know its a game that involves some chance.

spsb83 said:

By the sounds of it I need start playing live, I just can't imagine people sitting down with like £200 in front of them and being that bad.

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Not only do they sit down with $200, they then reach into their pocket and pull out another $200, then another after they bust again in 7 hands, and then their last $100 if they've got it. But you do have to be careful, cuz one time out of ten they might hit that magic runner runner, or river. You just got to try to put your money in good and know its a game that involves some chance.

WizardRubic: Nah. 23 vs 27 heads up, 27 is better
Friend: No. 27 will lose more times. I read online that it was the worst hand.
WizardRubic: Plug it into any online calculator.
Friend: I did. 27 is worst.
WizardRubic: <insert link to calculator>
Friend: You're wrong.
WizardRubic: Look at the link
Friend: That calculator has a virus

Saw EvertonGirl had some problem with her computer and remembered this
Conversation went something like that XD

^^ Instead of arguing, I'd simply offer him even money on which hand wins. Take a deck of cards and run as many 5 card boards as you guys want. A couple hundred dollars later maybe he'll start to be less sure of himself. Heh.

That EvertonGirl topic had an interesting title to it. I wouldn't have guessed it pertained to laptop issues.

hahaha i'm just having a nice cash game session here and i have a guy on my table who overplays every pair he has, i then call his bet on the flop A65 with 67 offsuit, there is a 6 on the turn and he bets, i call, then i donkshove the brick river hoping he would overplay it again and he calls with A9.

then it starts:

_Kmieciu_ >> ehhh
_Kmieciu_ >> that is realy sad
_Kmieciu_ >> ******* river
_Kmieciu_ >> turn
_Kmieciu_ >> *****
_Kmieciu_ >> now u fold *****
_Kmieciu_ >> b i t ch
_Kmieciu_ >> with 65 of suit call 3 bet
_Kmieciu_ >> idiots
_Kmieciu_ >> f u cking idiot
_Kmieciu_ >> hope u die here
_Kmieciu_ >> why u call
_Kmieciu_ >> with this sheet?
_Kmieciu_ >> why?
_Kmieciu_ >> i wanna ask why
_Kmieciu_ >> tell my why?
_Kmieciu_ >> u call with sheet
_Kmieciu_ >> what u think
_Kmieciu_ >> always i lost with idiots like u
_Kmieciu_ >> with ******* luck
_Kmieciu_ >> ok im gonna shut up
_Kmieciu_ >> always with idiost
_Kmieciu_ >> i lost
_Kmieciu_ >> if we play blind $2/4 usd
_Kmieciu_ >> u will also call
_Kmieciu_ >> with 65 of suit?
_Kmieciu_ >> omg how mutch i hate u


it's just funny lol

This was from just last night at Harrahs in AC. The guy across from me says " that other guy got all mad and asks me how I can play 3-4 after he raises...look at the cards that came out, that's how!"

Phil Hellmuth is not a bad player but I always think its funny when he thinks he's gonna trap and get it all in against the likes of Ivey, Dwan, Elezra, Esfandiari. I think phil is a phenomenal player but I think he is one of the worst when it comes to things bad/inexperienced players say. That is they always try and justify why you should have never even been speculating